Sometimes you can’t have what you want

I found out the hard way, that when somebody hurts you, cutting them out of your life isn’t the way to do it.

You get over the hurt, you accept the situation, you forgive.

So I’m hugging him so tight, I wish I could disappear into him as we’re saying goodbye to our romance and hello to a different kind of connection.

“Barring death or amnesia, don’t ever leave.”

“There you go, thinking what I’m thinking again.”

Like the E-strings on a guitar, we resonate and yet we’re not together. We’ll make music of a different sort and I hope it’s enough.

But I’m still crying myself to sleep tonight because it still hurts.

It hurts to remember him looking at me in pain, and him saying “Is there anything I can say or do to make it better?”

And I tell him that funnily I can make it rhyme.

“Whatever you say or do, doesn’t change the fact I wasn’t good enough for you.”

But after the bitterness passed, the emotional effects of rejection receded, I just folded right back into him because I know that the circles we move in, we’ll see each other too often anyway. And it’s not worth the pangs, not worth the effort to pretend not to know each other when we do. When we’ll know exactly what the other is doing, and we’ll be trying not to hurt.

Cutting each other out isn’t the easiest option – it’s the most futile, most useless one. Because we won’t be able to stay away anyway.

“Just be my Michael.”


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