I’ve struggled over the years with faith.
I profess to believe in God, I say that I want to do what He wills and be what He wants.
Then I go off the path into the wilderness and royally screw myself over.
The worst bit is when I go to bed with a heavy heart and wake up in the morning still feeling ill at ease.
“What have I done, dear Lord, what have I done?”
I’m so tired of living this way. Of turning to Him only 10 percent of the time while asking for guidance from my whims, my desires and my poor imposed upon friends the other 90 percent.
There are so many things I need to know. So many things I need to practise. So many things that I need to stop clinging to.
These lines from Derek Webb’s I Repent resonate the most with me right now:
I am wrong and of these things I repent.
I repent, I repent of parading my liberty
I repent. I repent of paying for what I get for free
and for the way I believe that I am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
I am wrong and of these things I repent
I’ve been wrong.
Dear God, give me the strength to start living my life right.