All I could ever want

help

I ushered the New Year in with the best thing ever – good people.

Of course, there was also drinks, roast chicken, laughter and incredibly uncoordinated games of Jenga. It’s the first time in years I’ve actually bothered to make a fuss of New Year’s Eve when all I’ve done previously was stay up until midnight to pray and meditate on the coming year.

But it was good to spend time with some of the funniest and most fun people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Of finally putting old hurts to rest, making new friends, seeing new people. Knowing what I want, drawing lines in the sand, being honest and direct enough about what I need from another person.

Too many relationships, platonic or otherwise, are too possessive. We try and hold other people too close, dictating their actions and playing a game of dominance and control. I don’t want to be there anymore. To be able to be open and flexible, to not indulge in mental mind games, to not try and exert our will on others – is something to aspire to, I think.

But sometimes when you know that what will make you happy isn’t too much to ask for…you fight for it. You negotiate, you plea bargain.

You’re like my last damn cigarette, baby. And I’m not going to let you get blown out that easily.

On a side note, I hope I didn’t injure KY’s trachea when he tried to lock me out on the balcony.

To close off this post on a prayerful slant, here’s Thomas Merton’s famous prayer:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

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